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Gather round, children, for now I will tell you a ghostly story: I remember it like it was yesterday, probably because it was. I set out looking for games, and it took me far into the woods. I was offered many games - games which everybody was playing, promises of free games that were not. Disabled trial accounts. ...and so I had to keep wandering. Far, far into the woods I wandered, the furthest I've ever been, when I met a crooked old hag, who turned out to be a witch! ...and she said to me that I should forget all those other games, because they cost a lot and they were no good, and would only give me viruses from their DRMs and their cracks, and then she pulled out a game of her own. "Take this.", she cackled sadistically, as all witches do. "It is free, and it's it's filled with magic." "Magic? Isn't that witchcraft?", I asked. "No, no, just innocent magic, my boy. Nyehehehehe!" ...and so I took the game and I inserted it into my computer, AND INSTANTLY IT LOADED! I looked at the file size again: Just a couple of megabytes, but it was so sleek, and so amazing! I just didn't know how it was possible that a game that small could contain so much! It was free, and open source, and yet better than any AAA game I've ever played in every way according to the videos! Today I'm going to play this game. I've seen occult players have so much fun with this game in secrecy, as they dance around the midnight bonfires. Yes, this game has a name, but it defies pronounciation. Some say that all its syllables should be pronounced at the same time! Some say that it's caused men to commit suicide. ...so you can't simply be told what the game is. You have to seek out the witch of the woods, and see it for yourself.


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I am actually a bit scared of it, though: It's just one single file - one executable, and the way it just INSTANTLY jumps out at you when you click it, not even taking a SECOND to install or load, it's just unnerving. No game or program ever does that. Even images take a second to load on my computer. I feel a bit ambushed.

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Oh, and I forgot to tell you: When I click on it, I get a little security popup that warns me: "Are you sure that you want to open this file? This type of file may harm your computer." ...and I have to click "Yes" then, or it won't load. It's like signing a contract with the devil. I'm pretty sure that it's the devil, because I asked the witch if it was sent by God, and she looked really cross at me.

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I tried it. I asked it "What type of game are you?" and it told me "Whatever game you WANT me to be.". ...and so I told it "I want you to be a platformer." and so it became a platformer! ...and it was a good platformer too! It looked like Megaman, but better. I'm scared.

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With the aid of a hex master, I have now BECOME a platformer. I can even double jump. ...and I can go even further beyond as well, with some effort.

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I took some virtual cocaine, and all of a sudden things were in black and white, and the pixels were HUGE! Things looked hideous, but I just didn't give a fuck! Fuck you, last 40 years of computer graphics! You've amounted to nothing! The cocaine future is retro! Also why the fuck is this thread Off Topic?! This is as on topic as it gets! This game has everything, I'm telling you! It can morph into anything!

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My cocaine world is GLORIOUS! I can even see through walls! Other games don't have this level of fidelity. This is art on the level of System Shock 1! I can't even tell the floors apart from the walls, apart from the ceilings! My game has only two colors: Black, and white, like Satan and God, copulating snuggly like never before. I'm in a room! I'm in a freaking ROOM!