Have you done your daily ritual to keep Kali at bay? She is a hungry goddess, and you think she will eat you last? Hah! You pathetic fool! Affirm your little desperate warding rituals in this thread, but know this: She is coming for you, and she will always triumph in the end! Despair! To Kali goes the spoils!
Kali knows your scent, morsel. You smell of delicious blood and meat. Every day Kali can track it for roughly 2 600 meters in your direction.
keep her at bay? why?
Jesus. She's getting noticably closer. It took me two days of praying to shake her off. She tore up this wound in my thigh last month, that won't heal. The doctors look at me as if I'm crazy. They say they can't help me - that there's nothing wrong with me. Bastards.
I am saying my daily prayers as we speak. I think I hear her outside. I'm a bit scared here. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. ...but pain is still on my side. Little extra dimensional pockets of red mist to nourish my soul and light up the way once my sight returns once more. Pain is my treasures, and fear is my shephard. I have seen her horrid maw. I know where to run from now. She is my shephard. She is my goddess, and I am but her cattle.
Breaching though another level of mortality, there's a faint ringing in my ears.
I have a bathtub that I do my prayers in because I often risk pooping a little. That's a hot tip for you: Do your most intense prayers in a bathtub with the shower running, and it will just wash straight down the drain.
>>621 I wish I had a bathtub to shit in. I just shat myself doing my prayers in public. ...twice! I was in the midst of prayer when all of a sudden I just felt something bubbling past my sphincter, and how something lukewarm and sticky started to spread in my underwear. I hurried home, and on my way back, I thought I did my best to clench, but still another stream managed to spurt out. I don't think anybody noticed, but it was still pretty embarrassing. I don't know if I've ever shat myself in public before in my life. When I got home there was this huge orange stain that had soaked straight through my underwear, and probably somewhat into my pants - I didn't check that well. I'm sitting here in a towel, clenching like a madman right now. This is the last time I'm eating human food.
Crying is important. It is proof that you have a soul. I cried a lot today. I almost feel like a human being. Someday... It just feels so far away. Need to eat now.
>>168 Crying just needs to happen this time of year. Half my prayers are done for today, but there's just so much pain to atone for. I am just so worthless. Patience. One step at a time.
As you pray, remember to look deep within you. Find that thing that hurts, and hold on to it. Make it hurt more. Let the hurt in. Deal with it. Wrestle with it. Let it trigger you, into action. Abuse happens so that you can remember it - so that you can evolve from it. It doesn't exist just so that you can squander and forget it. It is your little ball of fire, full of energy.
...and you just keep praying, until the screaming stops within, and then until you almost go unconscious. Just don't stop, or you'll die.
I aim to cry two times a day, but reaching that minimum level of being a human being, is hard for me. I get sores that turn into open wounds. Being sexually molested is quite a sensation: You say no with all of your rationality, and after that the molester just scoops out all of that rationality, and reaches through, into the real you, and all that you've considered your safe home, and makes you her/his bitch. He will tear you a new persona and he will sully your innermost core. ...and as an unmolested you will scoff at that, thinking that surely you ARE your rationality and your reason. ...because that's what society tells you that you are, and what you're officially "respected" as. ...but molestation is quite an eye opener. You're not rational. You're just flesh. You are only as powerful as your flesh is. Remember that when you pray.
I've fulfilled half of my basic duties as a human being today. At least I've made a good attempt at it. I need to buy more underwear - white ones, so that I can make sure that it's just sweat seeping out between my buttocks, instead of poo. They say that white is a sign of innocence, and yes it is: When you cleanse yourself through pain and prayer to Kali, you do it to re-attain innocence in your soul. ...but it's also just a smart choice. It's that choice that maybe you don't want discover that you walk around in soiled underwear by the sheer stench of it. Breakfast now.
The fingers are often the weakest chain in the link. Some people claim that a good grip is just a gimmick, but I really think you need it. Do not neglect your ten little ones. They need love.
Today is Sunday, the seventh day of the seventh month. It must be a christian holiday or something. ...and speaking of christians, let's talk about the kind of mainstream kind of worship that we often see in christianity, and how it contrasts to genuine worship. See, christians - if they believe themselves to be genuine - visit their church every Sunday, listen to some preacher, and sing their psalms, and that's that. No passion - just a duty: You show up on a certain day, you do your routines, and then you're done and can go on with your life. (1/2)
This is bullshit, okay? If you are truly devoted to the divine, you wake up, and then you go to work on your prayers like your life depended on it, because it does. If your deities are the real deal, then the minute that you're not praying, it's going to count against you. ...and so you eat your flesh and you say your prayers, and you eat more flesh and you say more prayers, and you keep this up until you're all woozy in the head and can't think straight. Then you can consider yourself done. Then you sleep. Next day you start over again. Obviously you should also tend to your needs, but my point is that there is no DAY to worship on, and no specific PSALMS to sing. That's just pretentious. You know how to chew flesh, and you know how to pray, and that's it: Go at it 'til you drop. "But Anon, if you sing psalm 355 every Sunday, then that's optimal." Fuck your memes. Kali isn't approaching once every Sunday. She's approaching even while you sleep. When you wake up Tuesday, she might just be standing at your bedside. Some people claim that you'll drop dead if you pray too much, and I say fuck 'em - they don't know shit. If you start to get the shakes, then just eat more flesh and do some drugs, and then you're good. You'd have to be high as shit to be even close to dropping dead from praying too much - that's just an excuse from lazy people. (2/2)
...and these dumbasses often tell me that they have special psalms that they need to get them motivated, but me, I just need to listen, because my goddess is like Zalgo: She's in the very walls! Even in complete silence you can hear Her approaching footsteps!
Thoughts were like screaming demons in my head, but the pain I subjected myself to today, screams even louder. I can't hear my thoughts anymore, and thus I can rest. Sanity is overrated. Don't try to rationalize it. Just suffer through it.
I finally discovered a forbidden ritual that instantly cured me of my pus butt.
Today I took my family to praise Kali. We ground our hips for hours without mercy, and I learned to gently move my body, as if I was dancing. The pain is so dull that it's hardly noticable. Yesterday Kali sang from my ripped open forearms. Today she echoes from my neck. I maintain myself through the consuming of children. Tomorrow is a big day, where I will go to the temple to make sacrifice. Will I finally break down and cry?
Spent all afternoon and evening, praying to Kali at my home altar, because I've finally found the devotion I've been missing for a long time, and now I'm off to the local temple to continue praying. I haven't even had time to eat breakfast. Caffeine pills will do it. I feel exhausted, just like Kali wants me. I wonder if she's licking her lips at the sight of me right now.
Prayed until my head went all dizzy. Screamed praises of anguish to Kali all the way home, together with mumbles of insane delirium. The restaurant food helped - lots of delicious vitamin F. Recovery has been hard, but I'm drinking my holy water right now, so it'll get better from here. Jerked off to some really good rape porn too.
It's funny, looking at the faces of normal people, trying to look distant and unbothered - trying to not stick out, essentially playing dead. I'm not ashamed of being a beast among these sheep. I am a proud servant of Kali. I can defend my every grunt if you'd dare to call me out on it. My "behavior" is that I pray hard, I eat, and I sleep, and that's all my obligations done. Every day I'm purifying myself, atoning for my sins.
No, I haven't done my daily ritual. Feels like I'm drowning in a dull pain - like I'm suffocating. I think I'm just too much of a pussy right now. Need to find my will to live somewhere. All the pain in the world is not enough to describe what Kali has in store for me if I do not pray.
You need to be thorough in your devotion to Kali. Last Friday I prayed next to a guy who thought that just going through the motions of a prayer, would be enough, but if you do that, you're only going to fool yourself. Kali can smell every ounce of sin in the flesh of your body. Get to know your pain sincerely and thoroughly. Explore it as much as possible, and don't forget that you're a disgusting whore - nothing more. Swallow your pride, and get to know all the lesser places within you, and do so even when you start to scream and groan like the whore you are, until your very mortality stops you, and Kali wins over your body.
Only prayed at 90% today. The new rituals threatened to tear me apart. Screamed and swore a lot in public. I don't want to even fucking move. Fuck this fucking fuck of fuck! Need to eat. Need to fucking eat, but I need to move for that to happen, and my pussy-ness is great indeed. Saw my priestess briefly. I think she's possibly going to sacrifice her newborn to Kali.
In our temple, and indeed in the streets, you can tell at a glance who have given their souls to Kali, and who has not. Well, "given" is a misnomer. Who has had their souls TAKEN by Kali. Stripped of all shrouds of human worth, our eyes stare directly into the void, sensing much greater things than everyday life, and our faces are twisted into a grim visage of pain and merciless hate. We see the goddess staring back at us, and we know that she is ready to eat us when the time comes, and we are the very opposite of "being at peace". We are alone, we have no illusions to hide behind, and we rise to the challenge. The Police - Synchronicity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Si5CSpUCDGY
As the ritual is about to begin, my nervousness turns into fear. Then you take the leap, and it's too late to look back, and you just have to make it. A couple of seconds later you hear the bones start to crack, but you made it, just barely. You can live another 24 hours without shame. You're still a whore, but you now have some semblence of worth, like water in the desert. The cracked bones still stings with pain.
Sometimes at the temple, I fall into a trance, lasting about ten seconds. It happens once the screaming and the begging has stopped, and all thought is gone. My feet begin to stagger and my eyelids begin to flutter, and so the world I see, flashes at me at a slow framerate, filling me with adrenaline needed to continue, and not faint. You may call me crazy, and maybe I am. So what? If I would have ended up sane, there would be something wrong with the world. Since it's illegal to kill me and dump my body in the river, you'll just have to put up with me. ...although some people do that anyway, of course. Every day another murder case makes the headlines, but it's never me. It's a scary place to be so vulnerable in, but it's not prison. I haven't met a crazier motherfucker in there yet. Good.
People today are really into using the muscles of their lips and their tongues, to flex. ...or their fingers on the internet. It's the smallest muscles of the body, and so it requires no effort. You can act like you're big, strong and tough. You can lie about how your dad's a cop, or a butcher, or a murderer. You can even convince yourself, that you're a devoted follower of Kali. ...but ultimately Kali will know the true measure of you, no matter what. There is no part of you that she doesn't know. Your delusions and your lies, your little words and identities, mean nothing to her. Hell is her kitchen, and every big shot and tough guy goes into her stew sooner or later. If Kali doesn't strike terror into you, you're that much closer to her pot. You need to be afraid. Your life depends on it. Know your flesh. Know what kind of dish you will ultimately be serving to Kali's maw. None will be spared. All will be eaten.
What you need to understand, is that Kali is not your friend. She is not your ally. Your fear of her, is your ally. Your understanding of yourself as prey for her, is your ally. Some Kali devotees are seduced by her, into thinking they can be favoured by her, but the only favour you can gain with Kali, is distance from her - a distance that is always relentlessly closing.
I lived. I didn't faint either. I had my doubts, trying to hyperventilate just enough oxygen into my bloodstream. I'm so thankful for sitting here, in this chair, being done, having bought myself another 48 hours of cheap excuse for life. Need to eat soon, but it's hard to even get up. I am such a rape-begging, prelubricated whore.
Kali's tooth, left deeply embedded in my leg. The emergency ward missed it, but I know where it is located now. I'm considering self-surgery, but there's so many things that can go wrong.
Kali's teeth is gnawing deep into my sides, and yet still I'm going to the temple to pray - the first time in a long while. My consciousness is swimming in constant pain as she gnaws. It hurts. I groan. In an hour I'll scream again.
It's weird how athetists exist, claiming that there's no god. I guess they all went to church, experienced nothing, and just assumed that every religion was empty, just because their's was. ...and you can still go to temples devoted to Kali, and experience nothing. If you just sit around talking during the ceremonies, like all the fucking old ladies I see every time, then of course Kali will not go for you - you suck! Begone from my site of worship, heathens! ...but when Kali sinks her teeth into you, you'll know it. Today I wouldn't stop quivering for minutes. I bared my soul for my goddess in ways that I've never done before, and I know that I will pay the price for that. ...and when I leave the temple, I am in a trance, because Kali is more real to me, than the world itself - she's that close that I can feel her breath upon me. I would be crazy to deny her existence! She is as real as pain itself. I dread what tomorrow will bring. What parts of my flesh will she have sundered when I wake up tomorrow? ...but seriously, guys: Don't attend religious ceremonies just to socialize with people. It's disrespectful and blasphemous, and will likely get you eaten.
Just now I felt Kali's hand clutch my right foot, and had to yank it free from her grip, and yet there are doubters who are of other faiths. Idiots! Let me tell you something, doubters: Today Kali manifested so strongly during my ritual, that my eardrums got barotrauma from the sudden change in air pressure. ...which means that these manifestations can be measured in size. Kali isn't religion. She is science. The only reason that she's not widely acknowledged, is because people can't deal with her, because they're terrified. ...as they should be. She's like climate change: People deny that she exists, contrary to the evidence. They walk around like they'll never die, because they don't want to hear of it. ...and when you spend enough time with her, she'll turn your mind inside-out with fright. She'll dissolve all your notions of right and wrong, into just screams and madness. She'll make you beg for being murdered like it's sex. ...and so people can't cope with it, because they can't cope with reality. They're not sober and sane enough with their little fleshy brain organs, to behold the full magnificence of the very real Kali.
however is posting in this board is out of touch with reality a lot
>>464 On the contrary: It is you normies who are out of touch with reality. You shut your minds inside your popular values and views, and just refuse to look outside them. That's being out of touch with reality. You can't even understand death. ...and there are aghoris who are much more in touch with reality than I am. There are parts of reality which I refuse to embrace. ...but you should at least get to know your mother, normies, before she comes to eat you.
...and I hate all these women and feminists who think that Kali is their patron saint - this "primal feminine energy". These people who can't get spiritually beyond their own vaginas. Fuck off, pussy-worshippers! Go suckle Kali's teats and choke on the cyanide, you vegan motherfuckers!
>>465 >There are parts of reality which I refuse to embrace. It shows
>>464 It's stale pasta tbh
>>474 >It shows Yes, being a paranoid schizophrenic, is not something I'm willing to be - that's right. That's a good example. Drinking my own piss, eating my own feces, and dying of Aids, are other examples of reality that I'm staying away from. ...but staying sane, rational, and unafraid of innocent jews, is something I'm not willing to part with, no. You are still the #1 fucktard of this site.
Your interaction with Kali should always be with outmost dedication, but you don't always need to be rough and vivid. Today I did the equivalent of making love to my goddess: I closed my eyes, clasped my hands, and just pushed myself as slowly as possible, just enjoying the feeling of closeness as I gently brushed against the skin of the great white shark. You really get to know her that way. You align your mind with hers on a much deeper and serene spiritual level, to the point where you actually delight in your own suffering. I felt her burying her sharp teeth into my stomach, and I was overjoyed to be her prey - to really become her little worthless bitch. You lose that intimacy if you rush things too much.
...and it is that sobering feeling, of being her little bitch, and feel her pound you so hard up the ass, all while the shame over your own weakness washes over you, that makes it all worth it. Some people can go almost their entire life, without experiencing that beautiful realization, that you're just a little bitch - a little insignificant cumsock in a forest of cumsocks - and without it they just bloat up like cancer: You succumb to the disease of your own ego if you don't get put in your place, and believe me, you should get put in your place every single day, because the mind wanders. It wanders into confidences it shouldn't have. Some people even think they're mightier than a bullet. Some people think they're above even a slap. ...so you need Kali's enormous cock up there, straight up your ass, to show you who's boss. Just shut up and take it, until your disgusting will is utterly destroyed, and you finally understand that you amount to nothing. That's when you've found the truth. That's when you've found your true self as a insignificant little bitch. I live for goddess Kali's massive thundercock, and if you want to be my equal, then you should too.
It hurts pretty bad, probably more than I expected it to. I can feel Kali's teeth deeply embedded into my thighs, my hip, my guts, but also underneath my shoulder blades. It is the price of love, I guess. I wish I could scream all this pain away. I can't believe that after all I've done, and all this pain, I'm still just a useless little bitch. It's ridiculous. I feel like I could even endure being set on fire.
I love when the voices in my head all gets eaten by Kali. All these useless thoughts and emotions, pulling at me, hurting me... All that is left is us, breathing as one. She's been feeding on my guts for days now. My guts and my hip. There is a lot of sin festering in my guts, and it's good to feel her hungry teeth in there. It is truly laughable how little thoughts, ethics and emotions are worth. They are meant nothing, maybe even less than nothing. Only Kali means something. That's why they're afraid of her.
When I began the ritual today, I just felt all strength drain out of me. I was in such a heavy trance that I could bare do anything at all. My priest could do nothing for me. Then I felt her enter my body fully, and rest inside me. I am afraid. I am so hungry it hurts. I am eating as I type. What does this mean? I want to feel mortal fear, but I now feel only her inside. What is she doing?
I'm in heaven. I can feel the long, sharp teeth of Kali feasting on my entrails sending sharp lightning strikes of pain through my abdomen. A mix of fecal sauce and her saliva has been pouring out through my anus for days now. She really likes me. Her chewing and slurping is music to my ears. I never thought that my clitoris would be located in my colon. The sensation is indescribable. I want more! I can't wait to return to the temple. I want to feel her maw inside of me forever.
Oh, I can feel her snakelike tounge slither down through my colon right now. Soon it will be wiggling its way through my rectum again, from the inside. So much blood, and the weakening fever of feces flowing back into my veins.
I came across this ritual some time last week, when I saw a yogi perform it. Before this I had heard of it, but I lacked the proper tools required. Technically this ritual is reserved for the "truly initiated", so I'm not "authorized" to perform it, but before the closeness to Kali that this ritual will bring, I just don't give a fuck.
This is the second day I've spent on the toilet, pushing like I was pregnant, trying to shit and piss out all the stored up sin, together with any teeth of Kali stuck somewhere in the brown rivers of my colon. My anus is just dripping with shit and blood. It hurts all the time. It's her long, black tounge that burns the most - the one dangling out through my rectum. Just now I had to rinse off the OUTSIDE of my buttcheeks. I can't tell if the forbidden ritual manifested her to such a degree that she ruptured something in there, or if it's just the rotten flesh I ate. I was hungry, okay? I do rash things when I'm hungry. Needless to say, I'm not going to the temple tomorrow. It would probably cause such a manifestation that my goddess would claim me right then and there. Imagine Kali just bursting out of my belly in a shower of feces and blood, for all to see. That would be truly magnificent.
1-2 shits every hour. 12-24 shits a day. ...and I'm afraid to eat now, since I'll of course produce more shit, but I have to. At least I don't bleed as much now that I've learned how to wipe my ass really, REALLY carefully: You sort of gently dip the paper, and let the liquid shit soak into it. It works surprisingly well. I miss my sweet temple. :(
I asked my mom what I should do, and after thinking for a while, she said "Have you tried offering her tea?". ...and wouldn't you know it: It seems to have worked. All Kali needed to appease her, was some green tea. I can breathe a sigh of relief now. I haven't shat in hours, and I don't feel her stirring inside me anymore. Kali ate over a kilo's worth of sin from my stomach - it was brutal. There was definitely a loose tooth stuck in my lower instestine today. I thought I was going to die. This is why I love you, Kali. I will invite you for another feast soon, but I need to recover first. It was both great and horrible, feeling your skin against mine, and your teeth penetrating me.
I finally visited my temple today. I just went full force with my worship for two whole hours. I couldn't keep up with all of it, but I bathed in warm sweat on the way home - so much that I had to rinse myself off in the shower. I'm loving the hell out of my chair right now: To finally be able to relax and rest. I think I've got everything crucial part of the worship down at this point. Still a newbie, but I'm getting there. Guys, I'm telling you: You need Kali in your life. You need pain in your life. Fuck civilization. Fuck words. Kali's body has a million clitorises, and she'll take real good care of you if you just get to know her.
I'm too shocked to sleep right now. I can feel Kali manifesting throughout my body - from my feet to my shoulders, and everything in between. Tomorrow it'll probably be much worse. I hope the delicious pain with make me scream for hours on end. Hurt me, daddy Kali! Fuck me some new bleeding vaginas!
Another morning in the human world. Today I rest. Squeezing the stiff blood out of my body, is such a hassle when it's everywhere. I should try to do anime reviews on here, if I find the time.
Most of it has accumulated in the top of my breasts. Holy water, save me! Can't keep squeezing my breasts like this all day - it's lewd.
Weird. I have this constant strong taste of blood in the back of my mouth, but my saliva is clear.
When it's this bad, I'm lucky to have my rack to break myself open with. Retearing the flesh open is a burning pain, but it only lasts for about 30 seconds. I just woke up from a "nightmare", where serial killers were going to sacrifice my in a ritual. There was a soap so own that it had been overtaken by mould. Woke up all stiff. Time to hit the rack again. Some rituals are saner than others.
The kingdom of death, it is already here. Kali is seeping into the souls and minds of almost every human, and they are already swaying along. We are dying. We are growing weak and dying, and very few are truly aware of it. ...and although I want to live, I don't know how to. I am dying too. Those who survive this, will be Kali's true children, already dead within.
God I suck! Even the rituals that I love, I suck at. I can't perform them even close to satisfactory. Even though I've set a high bar for myself, it's so frustrating and shameful to just flail about like a buffoon in front of everybody. There are times where I connect, though - where my mind finds that trance where it's just me and Kali, and today I felt her teeth against my very brain. That's when I feel like I've aced it. That's where I feel like I am far beyond anyone in the entire temple. That's where I want to be in all things.
I raised my voice against a priest today, who was in the midst of a human sacrifice. He wasn't pleased with my interjection. Still, I don't care. A little boy is dead because of me. Smashed into the solid concrete from two stories up. That was just inches away from being me. I thought I was dead. I was stupid to not say anything back then, and I'm not going to tolerate these things in silence anymore. I don't know if he still went along with it, though, but at least I gave him a chance to reconsider. If they close the temple down this week because of it, I'll be so pissed. I wonder how long it will take to get a splattered body out of wooden floor boards. A week? A month, considering any repairs and investigations?
I like the overseer I've been assigned: He's as stupid as they come. He doesn't know shit. I'm pretty sure he's completely faked his resumé, and now he's just feeling his way through his position, one sentence at a time, feeling like he's in way over his head. I like him because he doesn't argue. He just goes "Well, keep on doing what you're doing. Things are gonna be great - I'm sure of it." and then leaves me to things. I'm sure newcomers hate him, though. I'm glad I already know my way around the temple. He's also a nice guy, so he's at least got that going for him. I had a Mother Superior archetype once, and they're just dreadful when they're also idiots.
I've spent the last 48 hours drifting through the red fog of pain, but then I awoke from my sleep: Kali was calling me to the temple. I didn't know why for ceertain, but the calling was strong. Teeth marks still in my left foot, I limped away. It was worth it: I saw a beautiful 16 year old latina sacrificing rabbits. The way she cut them up revealed that she was self-taught but determined. It was so hot to see the little things quiver as she plunged the blade into their organs in stab after stab. She kept at it far longer than I ever would. I felt like I should ask her out. Women are usually not ones to do the actual sacrifices. She's the first one I've seen. In feverish fantasies we stab eachother in bed as we climax, me having cleaved her cunt open. So hot. I hyperventilated and moaned for every breath all the way home. I will be drowning in the Red Fog all weekend, to be sure.
Rabbits being defurred alive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFyTneuE924 Just listen to those terrified squeals as their minds discover True Pain for the first time. They even scrape the fur off their little balls.
I love how the adrenaline from the rituals clear up my sinuses. I can smell the air itself, as it rushes in through my nose. Pain is amazing. It's a world of its own - a world I've known throughout my whole life, but never fully embraced until recent years. It's the nature of life to shun pain, because we're weak and feeble, and mastering pain is an art not to be taken lightly. ...but once subjected to it... ...you become so much more. You see beyond the veils of humanity, and into the realm of divinity. Words, opinions, sanity, they all melt away to bring you more feral senses - senses that mean something.
I woke up with one of Kali's teeth stuck in my left eyeball. Couldn't open it for hours, and it's still a bit red and swollen, but I'm fine now. I still have a piece of tooth swimming around inside my eyeball from last time she bit me. Doctors said there's nothing they can do about it. Kali has spoken a lot to me lately. Long story short, she told me the secrets of beauty and worship. Things are looking up for me, as long as she stops biting me in the eye.
I'm back from the temple. Both of my legs are half torn off. It's a painful lesson to learn for my hubris. The temple has a secluded inner sactum reserved for the top echelon of devotees, where the purest of interactions with the goddess takes place. If you don't worship in the sanctum, you get no respect. ...and so I figured that I was worthy, skilled and careful enough, and studied how to conduct the rituals properly there, and today I went to speak to my overseer for guidance. He just blew me off - told me to wait until I was deemed worthy. ...but I didn't give a fuck, and so I went ahead with it anyway.
I quickly found out that my body simply couldn't contort enough to perform the ritual as intended. ...and so I improvised by changing things a bit. I basically just dived right in, because I had done it before. It wasn't long before I felt Kali ripping my thighs to shreds. I screamed out a swear in defeat. I could do other rituals, though, but my legs will probably take many days to heal back together again. I hate not being worthy. The priests view me as simply clueless fodder. I want to be more than that. I WILL be more than that one day. Soon. If it takes Kali tearing open my flesh like this, then that's what I'll have to do.
She also managed to bite some skin off my left hand, but it was just the outer layer, so it doesn't bleed.
It still hurts. My torn legs are actually healing fine, but it's my shoulderblades that's been hurting more and more for some strange reason. I feel like such a cripple. Maybe I should just pray from the comfort of my own home today.
I also find it fascinating how Markiplier has his own form of worship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3bo5PEgkGg It's a lot of superficial silliness, because he's a silly guy, but there's also a sincere message underneath it all.