Enrive[ a / b / biz / c / co / g / gg / global / k / lit / Movies / mu / nsa / pc / pol / sci / toon / tv / x / ]

Random - /b/ [Catalog] [Board FAQ]




CAPTCHA Image

TopBottom

Image Thumbnail

I think the cat's out of the bag at this point: I'm completely retarded. I mean I'm probably not as retarded as they come, but I'm both mentally and physically retarded. You'll hear me coming a mile away, because of my audible screeching and blabbering. Yes, I fell on my head when I was a child. Maybe that did it. Of course I'm too retarded to notice it a lot of the time, so to me I'm just a normal person, until I actually think about it. I had a caregiver once, provided for free by the state, to help me with my household chores, but even they couldn't stand me. ...so are there any retard friends here? We can share stories about how embarrassingly retarded we are. There is no shame here - this is the internet. Am I really the king of all retards around here, or am I just second in command? Challenge me!


>>
Image Thumbnail

Yesterday I went outside. I packed two chocolate bars with me for breakfast. Once in public I just went full screech mode. I screamed for hours until I almost cried. It was beautiful. It was a concerto. Then I went to the front desk and proudly told the cashier there: "I was the one screeching." ...and she was like "Really? I didn't notice.". ...but I think I did make my impression, at least on the people there. Fuck, you should have seen me yesterday: I was on FIRE. I was so retarded that I couldn't walk. I had to brace myself with BOTH hands when going down the stairs, because my legs are probably the most retarded part of my body. Let me tell you about my legs. (Part 1/2)

>>
Image Thumbnail

I mean I'm not wheelchair bound. No, I stagger around on my atrophied things, groaning and grunting along. My muscles are probably just on the virge of snapping, and that's because I'm too retarded to get out of my chair all day. I just sit around and go "Screeech!" on the internet. You might have noticed. ;) Women probably be like "Eww!", and I'm like "I want to squirt retardo juices in all your wombs!" but I don't say that out loud in public - not to their faces. (I'm not there just yet, but I'm getting there, don't you worry.)

>>

...and I have this shirt that says "I'm more special than you." that I wear every day, because I'm too retarded to wash my clothes. I just wear them until they grow yellow stains or start to make my body itch, and often just wear them some more.

>>

Man, caretakers are so HOOOT! I want to cum inside the womb of this one. <3 https://www.heavy-r.com/video/288587/Did_she_just_fuck_her_retarded_brother_/

>>

I don't really know how I'm alive at this point, to be honest. I heard that you'll die if you don't eat, but I'm too retarded to do the most basic of tasks. I've been busy sperging about in my padded retardo chair instead, playing pretending to be a ship captain. ...for about a week straight. Wroom! Wroom! My body's like "Nooo! What are you doing? Go eat something!" and I'm like "Wrooom! Wrooom! All phasers to stun! Wroom!".

>>

Some people like to paint. Some people like to paint on walls. Me, I just throw coffee everywhere. I spill it on my table, on my seat, on the floor, on my pants, because I had a sperg attack and just couldn't hold a cup of coffee anymore. It happens. One minute you look almost like a person, and the next you fail, and then there's just coffee everywhere. I've wiped it up now, though - ready for another go.

>>

>>232551 give us more real life stories of you being retarded

>>

>>233120 I'm trying to, but I'm just too retarded to keep track of them all, and there's just so many that current retardo events is quite enough for now. Right now I'm just too retarded to even poop. Instead I'm sitting here, posting to you, while my asshole is suffering. Who doesn't poop? Pooping and eating is like the fundamental basics! ...but I'll try to keep you updated. I'm also coated in old piss right now, because I sleep in covers that I never change, so they're all wet and slimy. I hate it, but what can you do? Change the covers? Far too complicated for me.

>>

>>233120 ...but as it turns out, it wasn't just old piss, but also a piece of snot, that I've probably been sleeping with, that I discovered resting on my chest. ...so that's me: Mr. Covered-In-Piss-And-Snot. At least I've managed to poop somehow now. That was an ordeal that I'm sitting here recovering from right now. It's like wiping my ass is getting harder and harder every time, you know? Every time I think I'm done, I find another spot of poo somewhere.

>>
Image Thumbnail

...but at least I'm not THIS guy. No, you misunderstand: I wish I want functional enough to be able to stream games even once a year. I could earn a living, man! I could earn money! ...so Spoony is like one step UP from me, man. ...but man, the thought of me having ANY kind of a day job - even playing games - just scares me. Far too complicated and exhausting. I'd rather just get free money for being covered in piss and eating up all your food. I'm good at that.

>>

...but that's something that I don't understand: Why are you giving me free money? What's the point of keeping me alive? Every time I open up my "citizen's paycheck" I just go "Thanks for the money, dummy!" like I'm DSP (which is so far above me it's crazy - that man is like a retard GOD). What value do I have to you? I'm literally just eating up all your food, like some kind of a locust pest. Killing me is the only smart option. ...but I guess you're dumb. I guess you don't understand the depths of my retardation. Stupid lefties... If only you could suck my cock LITERALLY as well...

>>

Also there's the cough-to-poop ratio. Do you guys have a cough-to-poop ratio? ...because I have. It means that every time I cough, there's a non-zero chance that I'll just sperg out and poop my pants. I'm pretty sure that my underwear is just FULL of poop right now, but I ain't moving. At least for now, that extra-smeary shit is staying comfortably right between my ass cheeks, and hopefully I'll wear that poop with pride all fucking day. Just too retarded to wipe, at least for now.

>>
Image Thumbnail

Also my face looks like a fucking ballsack. I have seen ballsacks prettier than my face. I wish I had a face like in image related. Just look at that pretty face - that smooth skin. My only hope is to rape children, because children are small and weak.

>>

>>233126 Some years ago, a guy was saying similar things in here to you. He was making jokes about raping, killing, and eventually he posted a picture of a girl he knew, and said he would kill her. We warned him that police takes these things seriously nowadays, he didn't listen, someone reported him and somehow, by talking to the girl, they got to the guy and he had to talk to detectives. So I'm giving you the same warning we gave that guy yeas ago. If you keep saying edgy things, that can happen to you as well, even if you were joking. To most people in here I would say, at this point, nobody is really sure how much you are joking or how much you may seriously be a dangerous person

>>

>>233127 "Sir, is your only hope to rape children?" "Yes, detective. My only hope is to rape children. Just look at my face." I'm pretty sure that randos have the ability to track me down at this point, and I'd gladly explain to them that I'm edgy as fuck. I should go to edgy prison - a prison just for edgy people, who are ugly as fuck. All my victims are buried in my backyard. I'm serious as fuck. Take me seriously, cops! I am confessing to killing president Kennedy. You should spend resources on investigating me. There's just so many murders, but to make it easy on you, I'll tell you where I've buried the bodies: They're all in my backyard, about 6 feet under. I'll even point out exactly where you should dig. Can we get some more On Hold music in here? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0s6bv4yayOk "Yes, FBI? I'd like to report a mass murderer? Somewhere in the world, somebody has been killing lots of people. They said so on an internet board, and they said it's serious. They also said all sorts of ridiculous shit, but THIS particular shit they said, you should take seriously. People's lives are at stake. Yes, I'll hold. ..."

>>

>>233127 See, there's a huge difference between what I'm saying, and posting an actual image of somebody, and threatening to kill her. That's some shit that cops WILL take seriously, and for good reason.

>>

>>233127 See, I've been involved in international cases, so I know first hand that cops will not give a single flying fuck outside their country of jurisdiction. Nobody will give a fuck about people killing eachother in Africa. They will not contact the authorities over there - no nothing. They're just GLAD that it's happening over there. The law is not a means for "justice", but a means to keep somebody's OWN population in check. You can go to Africa, and kill a bunch of people, and then come back and go "I've just killed a bunch of niggers in Africa." and the cops will go "Stop wasting our time. They're not even people to us. Just don't kill OUR people.".

>>
Image Thumbnail

>>233127 Let me elaborate on this post since is involves me personally. Edgy incel posted pics of Molly and threatened to kill her. He used pictures with filenames that led straight to her FB. I pointed this out, and other chums contacted the law. There was an investigation into MC, and the school was contacted. Her local PD picked up the case, and interviewed her, and contacted 'OP'. She was called out of class, and made a post here afterwards about her interesting 'Snapchat' story. 'OP' got the attention he was seeking, including a lunch date with a mentor of sorts from their high school. He made a post on here mentioning he was just joking, and was just trying to stir up some conversation since nothing ever happens here. I still call BS, he was a danger to Molly, and this is why we can't have nice things. I stand behind the extent I escalated the manner, and I'm glad nothing bad happened to Molly. I was right there with yall when she live streamed on the MC tinychat room, and made sure none of yall got out of hand. Call me lame, but I would do it all over again. Someone has to look out for the innocent. >inb4 whitenight

>>
Image Thumbnail

>>233130 Your post is (((glowing)))

>>

>>>233146 He got a lunch date? ...with a mentor? What if *I* want a lunch date with a mentor? Imagine your own fucking "Don't kill anyone." life coach. Can I make demands? Can I go like "Well, I'm only planning to kill people because Molly won't fuck me hard with a Santa hat on. Can you make arrangements for that? It will make me very happy and non-murderous.". I assume he didn't have to pay for the lunch either. ...AND traffic to Enrive, you say? This is sounding like there's only good things that'll come to me if I start threatening to kill people. ...and you "made sure none of MC got out of hand"? ...on a freedom of speech site? Yeah, that does sound like a white knight. Did you get laid for that or what? No? That bitch! It's almost as if you did all that for her, whatever it was, and then you got cucked, and had to go spill your seed on the ground, after having betrayed those around you. That sounds like a bad end to me. (Cont.)

>>

The last time I threatened people with violence, they sentenced me to psychiatric care, but at that point I had had enough of idiotic shrinks, so I just didn't show up. I heard they were pretty mad about that. Submission before Iustitia is optional. You don't have to show up to court if you don't want to, for example. They COULD come and get you, if it's something that's gotten media attention, but basically they're a bunch of fat hippos who'd rather drive their squad cars on walkways, rather than walk anywhere, so nobody cares if you don't. ...but I don't have any plans to kill people. Why kill people when you can let them live and cause trouble for the REST of society? They are my little weapons: Gang rapists, murderers, et cetera... They will be instrumental to bringing Iustitia to her knees, you see. All I have to do, is stay clear of them. >Your post is (((glowing))) I heard 4chan is back now. It's all the memes that you could ever want, just waiting for more memes. What are you waiting for? You can never get enough memes. I hear they even have special meme color features over there. ...like your very own crayon box.

>>
Image Thumbnail

>>

Well, back to me being retarded: If it isn't the coffie, it's the cookies. Can't open a package of cookies without one of them rolling across the entire desk and falling behind it, it seems. I finally fished it out of there. No cookies for you, insects. You know, they used to make packages easy to open back in the day, with markings and directions. ...but apparently they have something against retards now, the fascists. ...or maybe I'm just of a whole class of retardation of my own.

>>

I pissed myself this morning. I was just sitting down in my chair, when I felt a little pee drizzle onto my thighs. Tried to wipe it with my hands before I considered to use toilet paper.