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I'm just furiously squirting lemon juice into my mouth right now, suckling on it like a teat. It leaves a sort of burning sensation in the back of my throat, but that's okay.


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Why?

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Because I had a craving for something edgy, and because I hate myself in a way, and so I must endure. I hear it's supposed to make you less fat, but I think that's more if I go eat an actual lemon. I have two whole bottles left in my fridge.

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It's like Coca Cola: Why drink something like that? Why drink something carbonated at all? Well, I don't drink soda. I drink lemon juice. Much healthier. Only one bottle left now. Better get started on it.