How come there's no normie LARPing thread? Normies - the working class hero - the very foundation of society. They go to work every day - every single day, except for "weekends" when they get to relax. They work all day, for somebody else, except when they eat lunch, which they eat together with other "employees". They get paid for this, of course, like cheap whores. They might be married, and have kids, making fapping to porn, and even having sex with the woman right next to them, near impossible. Imagine what it would be like, living in such an existence, "earning money" from unfulfilling jobs, like in some idle game that goes on forever. In this thread we pretend that we're normies with dayjobs, doing meaningless things.
I'm sitting here drinking coffee, pretending I'm on my morning coffee break. My "work" is a janitor. I fix thing, like the TF2 Engineer, but things like sinks and bulbs. I live in a small janitor's closet, which contains all my tools. I'm being useful. Worker's pride!
My wife is a compromize that's getting more fat and ugly by the day. The only moistness going on between her legs is the sweat inside her creases. If I so much as look at her, she yells at me that I'm too disgusting to have sex with, so I wait and slip it in while she's asleep instead. I give her most of my money, because she's my second boss.
In my quest for normiehood, I'm about to right now go take a shower. Wish me luck.
>>232049 OP's dinner here OP drowned in the tub RIP in peace OP
>>232050 RIP OP. Some people just don't know when to stop, and take their games way too far.
I wanna LARP as a night security guard, because then I don't have to do anything but stare at screens all day, which is what I basically do anyway. ...and then me staying up all night, would become some kind of talent that would make me badass. Now the biggest challenge would be the walking. I think they call it "making rounds" or something. ...but to make it more interesting, and since it would be at night, I could explore spooky places, and fight monsters. Not like in FNAF, because I don't like jumpscares, but like ... ...I dunno. I'll think of something. Just the spooky suspense would be enough, I think. Walking is pretty hard in itself too, but I wanna feel like a badass too, you know? I may not be able to operate a frier, but I feel like I can do this.
Day 1 I wake up at my security booth. (Having to walk to work would mean that I would have to show up on time, and so instead I just live and sleep in my booth. That way it's not laziness, but admirable round-the-clock dedication, see?) I put on clothes and then I eat breakfast. Everything is quiet, except for the sound of the ventilation system. Everything is as it should be, which means that I'm doing an amazing job. I watch YouTube.
Having reached the coffee machine down the hall, I insert my coins and push the button. Nothing happens. This is expected. Other people would call this machine broken, but I call it "restricted for personal use". Like The Fonz, I know just the right slap it needs to send it rattling back to life and serve me my coffee. That's right: The coffee machine is my personal bitch. The pimp returns to his booth with his hard-earned coffee in hand, to be enjoyed in careful, victorious sips.
Look, I know my booth looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years, but I don't think you understand how hard work it is to be a security guard. I've put my neck on the line here. This is an exciting life and death situation - just me versus the great unknown of the outside (of my booth). Soon it will be time to go exploring. What will I find, I wonder?
>>232344 Nah, on second thought, let's hold off on going outside. It's scary outside. There's a sun out there. Uh, I mean "scary darkness", of course. I found two pill bugs in the booth, and disposed of them. It was messy and I had to wash my hands.
Let's get some music going up in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3xcybdis1k
I'm sitting here in my booth, kicking back with some more coffee. It's been a fairly productive day: I did two rounds. Found an old disconnected fridge, but when I peered inside there was this old moldy vegetable that I figured I could eat later some day. (I hear vegetables are good for you, and I've eaten mold before.) Otherwise things have been eerily silent around here. I ate all my meals today: Some meat, a double milkshake, some fish, and a cheesecake. My belly is my kingdom, and it's steadily growing. In time I will have a gunt as mighty as Ralph's. Then we'll duel: My gunt against Ralph's, in a mighty gunt slap fight.
> Imagine what it would be like, living in such an existence, "earning money" from unfulfilling jobs, like in some idle game that goes on forever. That's a normal thing to do you fucking NEET.
>>232356 >That's a normal thing to do. That's why we call them "normies".
I expected to puke from that moldy vegetable, but I was pleasantly surprised. While it didn't have the best taste in the world, the spices covered up most of it. My supervisor is a nice woman - much nicer than at my former workplace. Next week we'll go over the proper routines. I apologized for my smell, but she said she didn't mind it. Once I returned to my booth, I jerked off while thinking about her, but I'm not going to go into details, because that's not what normies do. Being at work is great.
When your anus is as destroyed as mine is, the smell might become an issue. That's why I use Toilet Duck. Just a hint of that fresh citrus scent on your laundry, will cover up any other smell, and you'll smell like a clean toilet bowl for days. Thank you, Toilet Duck! That totally wasn't on accident.
I used soap to wash myself today. It was all lathery. I didn't wash my ENTIRE body, but I washed away at the infected follicles covering my sides, and I washed my groin inflammation really well, and underneath my ballsack and my gunt. Feels great to be somewhat clean. I probably smell good now.
>>232506 I used soap again. It's really great - my rashes have pretty much stopped itching, although it's less effective against the scabs, but I have other stuff for that. Being clean is kinda neat. I could get used to being without my oily musk covering me. "Hello. I am a human being, just like you. How do you do? Would you care to taste some fine vines with me? Just step into my vine cellar. Never mind the shackles..."
My teeth have been hurting for months, and so today I decided to brush them, using a toothbrush and some toothpaste that I had still lying around. Now my mouth is all minty. It feels kinda weird.
I've had to keep appointments for four days straight now. I have to get up early and everything! This is torture. I can't imagine how having an actual JOB feels like. It's like you're dead! You want to sleep and surf the internet, but you're not allowed to! ...and you've got to COMMUTE! They herd us all together in buses, and then we just sit there next to eachother, withbowed heads in forced silence, and you're not even allowed to sing because then people will look at you and think you're going to try to escape! The world outside the internet is a scary place. It's like 1984, but worse! It's like the sequel: 1985!
I'm soaked in sweat right now. Why? Because I've been outside. ...four times! No, FIVE times! Four of those times was to the garbage bins, because we actually recycle a bit, and so I had to go several times, and the fifth time was to the... You know, the washing machine place. "The laundry room"? Well, that place. Not to do the laundry, though - that's something only moms do.
I fucking did it! I showed up for work today. Well, technically I showed up late in the afternoon, I was fired years ago, and my co-workers wondered who the fuck I was, but I just told them "Ssh! I'm LARP-ing. Just act normal.". ...and so two hours later I'm now back from work. I mostly just sat and stared blankly in front of me in an empty cubicle, trying to calm down and find the strength to carry on, and didn't accomplish much more than that, but that shit was still exhausting. Work is fucked up. I understand why some people work themselves to death, because you know, most people are only human. Well, back to playing computer games and fapping to hentai. Maybe I'll go to work some other day, 'cause I'm pretty sure there's an achievement to get if you show up enough times.
I brushed my teeth today. Due to my weak gums, it was a bloodbath. I only brush my teeth about six times a year, and the discolorations and pain is pretty much constant, but TODAY I gosh darned brush them. ALL of 'em. ...I think. ...like a gosh darned normie. I could breathe on somebody right now, and they wouldn't catch some new oral disease and die puking.
Yet another early morning, and I'm getting ready to show up for work at eight o' clock. I'm fairly good at keeping appointments, it turns out, but I need a few hours to get prepared. Need time to do things like get dressed and eat breakfast. It's pretty stressful. ...but then when I head out, I feel like I could pass for one of them. I bet they see me and think "That guy's got a job. That guy's got a future, despite being ugly as fuck." - at least the ones who hasn't heard the rumours. I know a guy who used to just go to the supermarket and just sit there on a bench all day, staring in front of him. He probably told his girlfriend that he was going to work, so that she wouldn't leave him. It's more common than you think. ...and as people pass me, I proudly whistle this tune to them, hoping to fool them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH-i8IvYIcg TL;DR: I have infiltrated the normies. Now what?
>probably try to poison them?
Ate a chocolate bar for breakfast - pic related. Didn't eat the whole thing, though. #StayingHealthy It feels a bit weird to be wearing all the clothes. >>233186 But then who would pay my bills?
Today I'm pretending that I'm working from home, and that I'm doing entries in a database. It's very exhausting. I used to have one of those fake apprentice jobs, where I just entered a bunch of entries as well, but I managed to really suck at that, to the point of them wondering why I was even there to begin with. I don't know how workers do it - the actual "working" thing. I'm about halfway through the list, and I don't even know if I'll bother finishing it. Computer games are more fun. ...and the internet, of course. Do normies even have the internet?