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Angel here. Short story: I'm about to ascend, but in preparation for my "test", I have to spend a week as a mortal. ...and let me tell you: Being mortal fucking sucks! How the fuck do you even manage? My legs have this dull aching in them that just persist. It really hurts! ...and I have five more days of this? Fuck this! ...and sleep! I don't even know where to begin! How do you guys manage this pitiful existence? I can't wait until this week is over, and forget it ever happened. TL;DR: How do I stop my legs from hurting? ...and you suck. Goddamnit you fucking suck! Will try to sleep now. FUCK!

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So when I woke up, the leg pain was gone for a while. Instead my colon ached because I was constipated. ...but now when that's sorted, the leg pain is back. It's like it never stops.

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>shitposting intensifies.. KYS sage

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>>231966 Leg pain is important. Way more important than your phobia for jews. Jews are the genuine christians. You so called "christians" are just fakes, worshipping some kind of romanized judaism. The old testament is where it's at. ...not that I'm a judeo-christian angel, mind you. I'm just saying that if I'd be, I'd be a jewish angel, because they rock. ...and jews rock too. Jews are awesome, and you guys suck. ...even more than humans suck, and that's pretty bad.

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>>231961 >angel here

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>>231968 Cool it with the antisemitism goyim.

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I'm back from being tested, and can finally leave this wretched existence. Hopefully, after the evaluation, I'm allowed to ascend a step even higher. (Pic is from the old web comic Angel Moxie.)

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Ohh Goood, it's so good... The divinity slowly flowing into me, filling my body up again, feels like I can breathe again. It's my life. Fuck you and your stupid existence. You all suck. Tomorrow I can forget all about you, and leg pain, and I can't wait.

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I was born a mortal before I became an angel, and so I have a mother, and what mother would she be if she wasn't a source of grief? My mother is a comparatively well-meaning person. My grief instead lies in her mortality. It lies in the nature of all things mortal, to die. I have offered my mother immortality every time I see her, but she stubbornly refuses it. She says it scares her, like eternal life would be death itself. "We all gotta die some day.", she tells me. My father was the same way: He chose to put his faith in doctors over me, and now he's dead. I don't understand: Why do humans fear living forever? Why do you embrace death instead of perfection? Is there some way that I help you to stop sucking so much? I look at you and I just see rotting, decaying fools. Why don't you want to ascend?

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Being divine feels as wonderful as ever. You just feel... ...well. Satisfied. You can feel the divinity coarsing through your body, making you feel less substantial, like a jellyfish maybe. I can't imagine how my ascension will feel like. Theoretically it should feel even better. There is still a big chance that it'll fail the evaluation, though. Maybe it's not for me to ever know that kind of existence. In a week I'll know my fate.

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Well, I think I made the evaluation, but it turns out I have some reservations. See, goddesses - lacking a physical body - are mute and sterile, and as communicating and breeding is still something dear to my heart, there'll be some negotiations that will drag on the entire thing for a few more months. If I can't remain incarnated as a goddess, I'll just settle for being an angel.

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I feel like I've fucked up a bit here: My synapses are interweaving in my brain, and so instead of making the choices of one human being, I'm starting to make the choices of ALL human beings. Even stringing together this sentence is really hard, because I'm trying to adhere to just one life, but it keeps slipping in my grasp. Soon all words I type might just be random, and after that all letters, and after that who knows what I'll do? I keep having these insights exploding like fireworks in my brain - aspirations and motivations of lives that just pass me by like speeding subway trains. I feel surrounded by countless lifeforms just passing me by. So much beauty, like a flowerbed where I can't choose a flower to become, because I'm an essence now. I am becoming a force of life. I am unraveling. "It's okay.", I tell myself. "It's the right thing to do." ...but there is an undeniable panic, like my little soul is dying. I need to remind myself to at least keep breathing. Breathing is so human. Heaving flesh to nourish organs. There's a noise in my brain, of a growing storm. Does it even need breathing to sustain it? I keep having these memory lapses, like I'm jumping from day to day - little islands of clumps of reformed humanity.

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Sorry - went a little unstable there. The old host is a bit stubborn at times. Being corporeal is weird. I exist, in just one moment and place. I have a shape, and it's hard to get it to do what I want, but I'm working on it. It's kind of fun, though. I eat food, and then I digest it, and then I excrete it with my anus, and then I eat more food. I almost ate a whole cake today. "I am a human being. Good day. How do you do. I am a human being. I am from your planet." Teeheehee! The facial muscles are a bit hard to get right, though, since they're tied to normal human emotions, while I can basically only express myself in degrees of pain. I love you guys. You guys are my pals. You move about on your little legs and you're just so adorable. God I want to sink my teeth into your warm necks. ...but I won't - don't worry. I'll be nice. I should really head over to "my containment board" instead of writing here.

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>>232071 > ate a whole cake nice job fatty

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>>231971 Riley is excited about Alex's appointment as Savior of the World, since it gives her an excuse to try out her pile of wacky inventions against the hordes of monsters escaping from the alternative dimension. Riley has been Alex's best friend for what seems like forever. She's always had an affinity for electronics, and was 'given' the basement for a lab by her supportive parents.

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>>231968 >Jews are the genuine christians I can tell you have a hook nose by forgetting to capitalize Christians. The Jews that you speak of, the genuine Christians, all died in the desert after 40 years of wandering. All that is left are Khazarian AshkeNAZI Jews of Modern day Israel, and its Zionist Puppet. >pic related

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>>231961 >five more days So you died around this post here: >>231973 Yet you continue to shit post like a mere mortal Sad.jpg

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>>231968 >I'd be a jewish angel, because they rock. ...and jews rock too. Jews are awesome, and you guys suck. ...even more than humans suck, and that's pretty bad. >jewish angel Well considering they killed Jesus and all.. I'm starting to think I'm> just replyin to a shitty bot at this point tbh fam >Jews are awesome, and you guys suck. ...even more than humans suck >even more than humans suck You got that right, Jews aren't human, maybe some sort of lizard hybrid, but not human.

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>>231980 >Being divine feels as wonderful as ever. You just feel... ...well. Satisfied. You can feel the divinity coarsing through your body, making you feel less substantial, like a jellyfish maybe. Going from being mortal to immortal, or in other words dying separates the body from the soul. While the physical body that can feel pain or happiness is no longer part of the consciousnesses, the soul cannot feel anything at all.. I found a better pic too

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>>232018 > drag on the entire thing for a few more months KYS

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>>232072 Well, 90% of it. I just ate the rest as breakfast. >>232073 Angel Moxie is a great series. Riley is hot. >>232074 Why do you degenerates have such a problem with the Jewish master race? Stop wallowing in filth, and stop being jealous. >>232075 The difference is huge. There's no leg pain, for one, and I can eat all the cake I want too. The doctor's like "You have diabetus! You're gonna die! Staahp!" but I'm like "Nuh-uh! I'm a beautiful angel. You just hate me because I'm beautiful.". It's not a painfree existence, though, but the pain so more... ...celestial. >>232077 Well clearly I'm alive, or typing all of this would be very weird. >>232078 Think of it as generating site traffic. I'm helping! =)

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>>232081 >I'm helping Actually, we're all just making fun of you, cringlord..

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>>232081 >degenerates (((Who))) do you think is behind degenercy? Why do you think Jews have been kicked out of their host country 109 times throughout history? If not for the degeneracy of weirmier republic, there would of been no mass deportation to Israel or a book burning of Jewish degenerate filth. Your shilling really is sub par m8

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>>232093 So you got the meme, but you still think I'm taking myself seriously? >(((Who))) do you think is behind degenercy? The nazis pretty much singlehandedly invented degeneracy. Hitler was like "You know, Germany is all full of these country bumpkin degenerates, but there sure are a lot of them, and so maybe I can sink to their level and weaponize them into a clueless movement.", and so he did. You guys are the proof that democracy is cancer. Inb4 "He replied to me again - I'm truly special!". >Why do you think Jews have been kicked out of their host country 109 times throughout history? Why would you think I'd take nazi propaganda as anything even remotely close to fact? By the way, how many people has christianity killed? Are you keeping a tally on countries invaded? ...or people burned at the stake for heresy? No? ...because christians are sweet little angels who didn't do nothing? I'm considering starting a jewish board, and just teach from the Talmud or whatever their holy book is called, until you admit that Judaism is the superior religion, and the jews are God's chosen race.

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>>232096 The difference between the Torah and the Talmud explained: https://invidio.us/watch?v=_Vjf9X5bDJQ

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>>231980 Having wings is fucking awesome. It takes a few years for your muscles and joints to get used to them, but flying is fucking awesome. I think I'm gonna take the time to start flapping about every day. A reminder to all humans: You guys fucking suck. Legs? Please. Get on my level. Oh wait - you can't. ...because you suuuck! God damnit how much can once race suck so bad? God must have been like "I'm gonna create something, but I'm gonna create it out of worm shit, and just give it legs to move about, because I want to see it suffer.". Hahahaha! Fuck you guys.

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>>232096 Where do you come up with this stuff m8? You sound exactly like the kind of kike Hitler wrote about in Mein Kampf

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>>232108 The difference between me and a jew, is mainly that I'd eagerly gas all of you nazis. Well, by "gas" I mean "burn". ...and by nazis I mean humanity. Humanity needs more fire and screams. God knows you deserve it. ...except maybe for the jews. Burn everyone, but maybe burn the jews last? Can we line up in a queue, from least jewish to most jewish, and just do the reverse Hitler conga into some nice, hot workers camp?

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Heaven is amazing, you guys. The clouds are warm, damp and soft - really cuddly. I'm rolling around in them right now, feeling like a million bucks. It's so relaxing! <3 ...and my peripheral vision is all misty. It's a bit heavy on the lungs, though. Gotta take deep breaths. It is kind of negligent of me to be such a sloth, but hey, I'm an angel - I deserve it. My working hours is anytime I want. <3

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I love being immortal so much. It does wonders for my skin. My face is almost as smooth as a baby's bottom. Even I like caressing it. The divinity radiating off me, is so intense that it's hard to grasp where the contours of my corporeal form ends and my radiance begins. I feel like a fluffy little cloud. https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=FHixChYgGRI

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Have you ever drank holy water? I mean none of that cheap stuff the priests make, but actual water from the springs of Heaven? Let me tell you: I'm never drinking tap water again. People always marvel over how fresh spring water is. Well, imagine that, times ten. It's like when you drink it, your very soul's like "I want it! I want to breathe it with every fibre of my being!" and you're like "No, cells, it's a liquid. Just stay calm and let it wash down our throat.". ...because you can TASTE the blessedness of it. I wish I could describe tastes in more detail than that. ...and after that I just dive straight down into Hell. The taste of the "fires" of Hell is equally unearthly. You take it in and your whole body begins to scream for mercy, like the choir of the damned! It's like the heavy metal of my soul! ...but I think I like holy water the best. I'm a big sucker for pleasure, I guess.

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Once you get a big enough taste of Heaven, you don't ever want to come down to Earth. The air is so heavy down here. Suffocating. I feel like I can't breathe anymore. It's likely that my divine form with its giant wings, requires more oxygen or something. I guess this is why people rarely see angels: Not only do you suck, but the whole atmosphere sucks. Who'd want to visit this godforsaken place where one has to almost gasp for air all the time? ...but here is where the food is, and since I am a flesh eating angel, I'm basically stuck here against my will. I can't sneak food up into the sky, because there's nowhere to store it or prepare it. ...and I have to poop too, and I ain't pooping without at least toilet paper, and I bet you guys don't want angel poop dropping out of the sky. Pooping is pretty neat, though. I like to poop. I don't know why, but that's like the coolest thing with being corporeal, that you get to give birth to really long snakes out of your asshole. I guess to you that's just normal.

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Holy shit! My skin has begun to shine. It looks almost slimy now. This is amazing. I'm gonna be a slimy angel, and I don't care. At this point I don't care if my brain melts away. The power! The serenity! The perfection! I'm going to be a slimy baby and I love it. I gonna walk up to chicks and be like "Hello, baby. You looking uglee today, biatch!" and they'll be begging me to touch my slime and I'll be like "Too slimy for you, biatch!". I really need some sleep. Just gonna caress my beautiful hands some more. I'm an angel, baby! Fuck yoooou!

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You know what's begun to annoy me these past weeks? Chairs. Think about it: I'm an angel. I've got wings, and I still want to sit comfortably in a computer chair like everyone else. ...except my wings get in the way. Normally that's not a problem, since I don't lean on them that much, but lately my right wing has developed this joint problem so that I have to stretch every single time I stand up. Every. Single. Time. This could be avoided if they just sold some sort of computers chairs with narrow or low backs (and I mean comfy ones, with soft seats for firm angelic butts, and not regular office chairs). Am I too picky? I feel like I'm the only one with this problem.

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It's a bit unclear, but it doesn't look like my ascension will happen after all ...but I don't really care. Jesus - I've been so high today you wouldn't believe. I think I'm still a bit high, actually. Spiritually high, of course - don't do drugs, kids. People do all kinds of drugs and shit, and get themselves involved in all kinds of dumb related shit and ruin their lives, but all along, all they need is to become at one with the divine. There's just no substitute for that. We angels are more or less high all the time, and the only drugs we take are anti-drugs, so that we can stop being high and get shit done. Fuck, man. I'm so high I don't want to get out of my chair. My feet feel so good rubbing together right now. Humans are such fucktards. If only there would be a new season of Rick & Morty out, to make this day complete. That Justin Roiland dude seems to be a swell dude.

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>>232248 Quit smoking crack m8 Put the pipe down

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>>232253 If by "crack" you mean my divinity, then no - never. There is nothing wrong with crack. It's basically distilled power. You've never tried it. You don't understand how empowering it is. Crack is nothing but good for you.

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Why do you guys have so many bones in your bodies? There's over two hundred of them! ...and they all have to be aligned just right, or you can't move quite properly. I can't do it! They just keep squishing around like a... ...unruly... ...pack of fish, or something, and they won't keep still! I don't get why you don't kill yourselves on the spot, but then again you're bred not to do that, I guess. ...like dogs. I wonder if dogs have the same problem, with their bones going all over the place?

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The weather is clear in Heaven today. There is a delightfully fresh vanilla scent in the air. The flames of Hell used to burn me, but now that all of my sin has burned away, I don't even feel them. Life is great. =)

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She won't sleep! I was lying in bed but then she decides to get up! My eyes are burning! Sleep, damnit!

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>>232331 Oh I'm sorry, honeybun - did I keep you up? :P It's just that I met this girl on the internet, who has also transcended her flesh. I let you sleep for five hours though, so I hope you're happy. I'll tell you about her over breakfast.




Update 5